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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359359">Figgy Pudding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian'>xtremeroswellian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2003) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Third Watch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Christmas, F/M, Gen, Humor, Mocking Christmas movies, Mocking Maritza Cruz, Parody, Spoof</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:48:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,317</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24359359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xtremeroswellian/pseuds/xtremeroswellian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cowritten with NYPDBosco, who doesn't have an account here. </p><p>A holiday parody at the 55.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maurice Boscorelli/Faith Yokas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>12 Days of Christmas - Third Watch (2003) [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Figgy Pudding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bosco pulled on the red envelope that was taped to his locker, and then opened it to reveal an invitation to the annual 55th Precinct Christmas Party. "Hey Yokas, you get one of these?"</p><p>"Yep. You gonna go?" she asked, glancing over at him.</p><p>He shrugged, and nodded his head. "I'll make an appearance. You?"</p><p>"Same here. I gotta get home and wrap the rest of the kids' presents. Fred's bringin' them over first thing in the mornin'."</p><p>Nodding his head he stuffed the invitation in his jeans pocket.</p><p>Sully entered the locker room, and saw the envelope attached to his locker. He let out an exaggerated sigh. "Is it -that- time again already?"</p><p>"It's the most wonderful time of the year," Davis said cheerfully, grinning.</p><p>He shook his head. "You know I was just gettin' over Bosco's drunken display from last year."</p><p>Faith grinned as she looked over at him. "Oh, come on, he looked damn cute in that Santa hat." She chuckled.</p><p>"Thank you, Faith." Bosco looked over at Sullivan. "I was just tryin' to spread some Christmas cheer. It was one of the -worst- parties we'd had up until my 'display'."</p><p>"Yeah, and you singin' 'Jingle Bells' was one of my favorite memories," Davis informed him.</p><p>Bosco smirked. "This year I was thinkin' about singin' 'Grandma Got Runover By A Reindeer.'"</p><p>"Damn. And I forgot my camera," Faith said with a sigh.</p><p>"We can grab one of those disposables on the way," he told her with a wink. "Can't miss my Kodak moment."</p><p>"Yeah, cause you only have one a year," Sully mumbled.</p><p>She chuckled as he winked at her. "Oh, Bosco has -plenty- of Kodak moments, Sul. You're just not around to witness them."</p><p>Sully's face paled slightly. "I don't wanna know."</p><p>"Probably not," she agreed with a grin.</p><p>Davis grimaced. "Is this some kinky sex thing? Nevermind. I don't wanna know either."</p><p>Bosco looked at Davis. "You know you want some of this."</p><p>"Sorry, buddy. I don't swing that way."</p><p>"Yeah...you're not really my type anyway."</p><p>"Good thing," Faith said, closing her locker.</p><p>Bosco opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted when the locker room door swung open forcefully and Sergeant Cruz stepped inside followed by Monroe.</p><p>"What's the good word, Monroe," Sully asked as she walked by.</p><p>"The day is O-V-E-R," she replied, grinning at him.</p><p>Bosco looked thoughtful for a moment. "O-V-E-R," he repeated softly. "Oh! You mean you're done with your J-O for the day."</p><p>"D-U-H," Davis said with a chuckle.</p><p>Cruz scowled as she looked around the room. These people were enjoying themselves far too much.</p><p>Monroe pulled the red envelope off her locker. "What's this?" she asked, glancing around.</p><p>"Invitation to the 55th Christmas party," Faith informed her, brushing her hair.</p><p>"You should come," Bosco told her as he put on his stocking cap. "It's a real treat."</p><p>"Yeah, maybe I will." She smiled.</p><p>Bosco nodded his head. "What about you Sarge? You comin' to the party?"</p><p>She turned to look at him just as she was pulling the envelope off her locker. "You're kidding, right?"</p><p>Faith did her best to ignore the conversation all together as she slipped her jacket on.</p><p>"You should come. It sounds fun," Monroe told her, smiling.</p><p>"Right, like I wanna hang around you guys any longer than I have to."</p><p>"Oh, hey it's the Grinch," Faith couldn't help but comment, a hint of bitter coldness to her tone.</p><p>Bosco put his jacket on, and looked down toward the floor trying to bite back a smile. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."</p><p>"You really are a heel," Davis added, trying not to chuckle.</p><p>"You're as cuddly as a cactus," Sully remarked gruffly.</p><p>"You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Grinch," Monroe said with a grin as she changed clothes.</p><p>"You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel," Faith said, slamming her locker shut.</p><p>Sully began to whistle the tune, accompanied by Davis.</p><p>"You're a monster, Mr. Grinch," Bosco continued.</p><p>Cruz huffed, and grabbed her jacket before shutting her locker quickly and heading for the door.</p><p>"You're heart's an empty hole," Faith added, her voice now sing-songy.</p><p>Sullivan turned, singing to Cruz as she walked past. "Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul. Mr. Grinch."</p><p>"I wouldn't touch you, with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole," Bosco rattled off in a booming voice as the sergeant stepped into the hall. He paused a frown forming on his face. "Oh, wait..."</p><p>Faith glared at him, then followed Cruz's path without a word.</p><p>"Hey Faith, come on. We were havin' fun."</p><p>She didn't respond as she left the room.</p><p>"Ouch. Someone's in the doghouse tonight," Davis commented.</p><p>"Apparently I said somethin' wrong."</p><p>"Uh...yeah. Coulda been that you just reminded her that before you were with her, you were doin' the good sergeant," Monroe remarked.</p><p>He sighed. "Looks like I'm gonna have to put on a really good show tonight at the party, huh?"</p><p>"Might wanna rethink the 'Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer' bit and think about sending her twelve days worth of presents from now until...tomorrow."</p><p>"Thanks, that's real helpful." He shook his head, and zipped up his jacket. "I'll see you guys at the party."</p><p>Monroe grinned. "See ya, Bosco."</p><p>He waved a hand in the air, but didn't turn to look as he left the locker room.</p><p>Sully shook his head. "This night's gonna be just perfect. The annual party, and Bosco in the doghouse. Anyone else think he's gonna overcompensate?"</p><p>Everyone left in the room raised their hands.</p><p>"Thought so."</p><p>* * *</p><p>"Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!" Maritza Cruz shook her head, glaring at him.</p><p>"That's 'cause you know it'll stick," Fred shot back.</p><p>"You're full of it, just like your ex!"</p><p>"Oh yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah!"</p><p>Fred smirked. "Well I double-DOG-dare ya!"</p><p>"What are you? Five! You stick your tongue to the damn pole you stupid moron!"</p><p>He rolled his eyes. "Oh right, like I'm gonna do that."</p><p>"Chicken."</p><p>"I'm not a chicken."</p><p>"Then stuck your tongue to the pole, like this!" She darted her tongue out and touched it to the metal pole. Then she tried to pull away, her eyes widening as she realized she was stuck.</p><p>He started to laugh. "Ha! Gotcha!"</p><p>"You thucker!"</p><p>Fred continued to laugh. "What was that Cruz? I couldn't understand you."</p><p>She flipped him off.</p><p>"Want me to call the fire department for you?"</p><p>"Threw you!"</p><p>"Okay, well I've got some errands to run, so I guess I'll see you later." He turned to walk away.</p><p>"You thun of a bith!"</p><p>"Have a Merry Christmas."</p><p>Faith walked down the sidewalk, her hands stuffed in her pockets as she approached the building where the party was being held. She stopped in her tracks as she saw Cruz with her tongue on a light pole. She raised her eyebrows. "I always knew you had issues." She shook her head.</p><p>"I'm thuck."</p><p>"What's that? You suck? Yeah, I knew that."</p><p>"You knew what," Bosco asked as he approached, not having seen Cruz yet.</p><p>"That Cruz sucks."</p><p>His eyebrows furrowed, and he gave her a confused look.</p><p>She stepped aside and motioned to the sergeant.</p><p>His eyes widened in shock when he saw Cruz pressed against the pole, and he began to laugh when he realized her tongue was stuck to it.</p><p>"Bothorelli. Hell me."</p><p>"You heard her, Bosco. Hell her."</p><p>Bosco shrugged, and walked over to the sergeant. He grabbed hold of her hair. "You figure if I just pull really hard...?"</p><p>Cruz tried to shake her head.</p><p>"Oh, please. Let me," Faith offered.</p><p>He took a step back. "Be my guest."</p><p>"No!"</p><p>She sighed. "I thought you wanted us to hell you," she said with a smirk.</p><p>"Not like thith."</p><p>Faith rolled her eyes. "Fine, stand out here with your tongue stuck to a pole the rest of the night. At least we know where you are at all times that way." She shrugged and headed for the building, not giving Bosco a second glance.</p><p>Bosco looked at Cruz, shaking his head in amusement. "Hey Faith, wait up."</p><p>She stopped walking, but didn't turn to look at him, still annoyed with him from before.</p><p>He caught up to her, and then stepped in front of her. "Look, about earlier..."</p><p>"Forget it. It's not important."</p><p>"Yes it is," he whispered.</p><p>She looked away.</p><p>"Whadda you want me to do," he asked softly. "You know that I'm only interested in you."</p><p>She dropped her gaze to the sidewalk, unsure of how to answer him. "I don't know."</p><p>He reached out, and put his hands on her hips. "How 'bout I turn my Chirstmas party display into a public display of affection," he asked with a grin.</p><p>Faith looked at him questioningly. "Meaning?"</p><p>Bosco shrugged. "Not exactly sure yet, but you'll be the first...well technically the second to know."</p><p>"Bosco, you don't have to..."</p><p>He moved forward quickly, and kissed her lips softly. "I know," he whispered against her mouth.</p><p>She slipped her arms around him, unable to resist kissing him back as her eyes drifted shut.</p><p>He smiled as she kissed him back.</p><p>Cruz frantically waved her arms around, disgusted that her ex-boyfriend was kissing the officer she hated most in the world. "You guyth make me thick!"</p><p>Faith flipped her off without turning around or breaking their embrace.</p><p>"Bith!"</p><p>"That's me," she murmured against Bosco's lips.</p><p>He grinned. "That's right, and you're my bith."</p><p>"Shut up and kiss me."</p><p>Bosco nodded slightly, and pulled her close to him as he pressed his lips against hers.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Sully weaved his way through his colleagues on his way toward the refreshment table. He fixed himself a cup of hot chocolate, and started to load up a plate with the various holiday goodies that were spread out on the table. His eyes got big, and he smiled. "Ooohh fuuudge."</p><p>Davis shook his head as he looke over at his partner, then back at Carlos. "But I didn't say fudge..."</p><p>Carlos grinned. "I said -the- word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the..."</p><p>"So...what did you say?"</p><p>"I said the F-dash-dash-dash word," Carlos finished.</p><p>"Oh for cryin' out loud would you two -shut up-." Sully shook his head.</p><p>"Ignore Scrooge."</p><p>"Usually do." Carlos grabbed a handful of chips out of a bowl.</p><p>Davis glanced around the room. "Hey, there's Kim and Doherty."</p><p>"Oh joy." Nieto rolled his eyes. "I swear, those two have been walkin' around all day actin' like there was mistletoe over their heads."</p><p>"Whatever happened to that little boy of theirs? What was his name? Joey or somethin'?"</p><p>The paramedic shook his head. "Ya know, I'm not sure. I mean he used to spend -all- sorts of time at the firehouse, and then one day he just...disappeared."</p><p>"Yeah, I haven't seen him around since like...third season." Davis frowned.</p><p>"That sounds about right." Carlos nodded. "It was shortly after him and Jimmy sang 'If I Had a Million Dollars' that he stopped showin' up."</p><p>"Maybe someone gave him a million dollars and he decided he didn't want to be on the show anymore."</p><p>Nieto sighed. "Yeah...I think that's been goin' around a lot lately. It's kinda like the flu."</p><p>"Yeah, like...Gusler and the old Emily and that woman who played Kim's mom first season and that other chick that Doherty married in second season...oh, wait. That's right. She's on All My Children again."</p><p>"She really gets around, huh?"</p><p>He shrugged. "Apparently."</p><p>"And did you know that when Bobby was alive he had -two- different moms? Hell, I don't even have -one-!"</p><p>"Yeah, that first mother of his played the mother of Jimmy's second wife on All My Children." He paused. "Not that I would know, cause I don't watch soap operas."</p><p>"Get off it, Davis." He shook his head as he reached for a piece of fudge. "I know you watch all the soaps. I mean, that's why you liked Taylor in the first place...cause you fancied her from that soap opera she was on."</p><p>"Shut up, Nieto."</p><p>"Did I strike a nerve?"</p><p>He glared at Carlos. "And I'll have you know that Taylor didn't die. She ran off with Aaron Noble to do some Western show."</p><p>"Riiight." Carlos took a bite of fudge, and spit it out. "Man! This is gross!"</p><p>Sully moved back over to the table, and picked up another piece of fudge. "One man's toxic waste is another man's potpourri."</p><p>Davis rolled his eyes. "Somebody watches way too many movies."</p><p>"Hey, you helped us sing the song from the very same movie," Sully reminded him before walking away.</p><p>"No, I--" He paused. "Oh, shit. Well, merry fucking Christmas to you too, Sul!"</p><p>Nieto laughed, and gave Davis a playful shove. "He got you good."</p><p>"Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?"</p><p>His face fell. "Geez, I was just kiddin'. You don't gotta be so mean."</p><p>"I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery."</p><p>Carlos shook his head. "And I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"</p><p>"Geez, man. Lighten up. Oh, God. Here come Bosco and Yokas. They'll probably be all over each other."</p><p>"Isn't there a law against that?"</p><p>"There should be."</p><p>Bosco had his arm around Faith's waist as they made their way over to the refreshment table. He was no longer wearing a winter hat, but instead had a Santa hat on. "What's up boys?"</p><p>"Our disgust level."</p><p>His eyebrows furrowed. "What are you talkin' about?"</p><p>"Nevermind."</p><p>"Oh, hey, Carlos. You might wanna get Doc and go outside at some point," Faith said casually, leaning her head against Bosco's.</p><p>"Outside? It's friggin' cold out. Why would we wanna go outside?"</p><p>"Cause Frosty the SnowBitch licked the lamp post and her tongue is stuck. No rush."</p><p>"Ah man." He shook his head in disbelief. "Did somebody triple dog dare her?"</p><p>"Yeah, my ex apparently." She shrugged. "Guess he's good for somethin' after all."</p><p>"Who knew," Bosco mumbled.</p><p>"You know I love you best." She kissed his cheek.</p><p>Bosco smiled. "That's what I like to hear."</p><p>"Otherwise I never woulda helped you get rid of the evidence when you mugged those guys, lied to protect you on the witness stand, defended you to Fred like, every single day we were partners and even took a bullet tryin' to help you out when your ex-girlfriend went insane."</p><p>"You know...I knew you loved me ever since the first episode. You remember that? When we were standing outside your apartment gettin' ready to go in? People actually thought we were married."</p><p>"Yeah, I know. Isn't that funny? Who woulda thought."</p><p>"It's nice to have you in my life. Someone who loves me unconditionally."</p><p>"Ditto." She kissed his lips.</p><p>Davis made a gagging noise.</p><p>"Would somebody please arrest them," Carlos asked loudly.</p><p>"Oh, get a life, you guys. It's Christmas," Faith said, rolling her eyes. "If you don't wanna watch, go home."</p><p>"Careful, Faith." He glanced over at Nieto. "He might actually want to."</p><p>"Sick!"</p><p>Carlos shuddered. "Okay, this whole bonding thing...it's a little too much for me." He started to walk away. "Oh, and Faith. If you didn't already know, your boyfriend here is afraid of the dark."</p><p>"Duh. Everyone's known I've known that since that Thanksgiving episode when I quit talking to my brother!"</p><p>Bosco looked at her. "Which one? Stanley or..what'd your mom say the other one's name was? Ronnie?"</p><p>She tilted her head to the side. "Yeah, that's what she said. Hell, I thought Michael Myers was my brother. Between fanfic and all the writer's inconsistencies, -I'm- confused."</p><p>"You know what I'm confused about," Bosco asked.</p><p>"What's that?"</p><p>"Did my dad beat me? Or just ma?" He looked off into the distance as if searching for the answers. "And I told you that I never saw my parents fight, but then I said that it was like watchin' a damn prize fight. Did I lie to you or..."</p><p>Doherty walked up behind him. "And don't forget, you also told Faith you were a smart kid." He looked Bosco up and down. "But somehow I'm doubtin' you were."</p><p>Faith scowled as she looked at him. "At least he didn't sleep with his wife's sister."</p><p>"Or my best friend's girlfriend," Bosco added.</p><p>"At his own engagement party."</p><p>Jimmy shrugged. "Well, I didn't sleep with the captain's daughter."</p><p>Faith looked at him puzzled. "The fire captain doesn't -have- a daughter, dumbass."</p><p>"Well...I was just sayin'..." Jimmy shook his head, and walked away.</p><p>"You know somethin'?" Ty spoke up, glancing over at them.</p><p>"No, what?" Bosco asked as he turned to look at Davis.</p><p>"This is--" Before he had a chance to finish, Bobby Caffey walked over. His eyes widened.</p><p>"Oh, my God! It's the ghost of Christmas Present!" Faith exclaimed.</p><p>"Wait." Bosco's eyes narrowed. "Wouldn't he be the ghost of Christmas Past?"</p><p>"No, that was Hobart, remember?"</p><p>"Oh, that's right. And Taylor was the future ghost."</p><p>"Yeah. Geez, Boz. It was your dream and I know more about it than you." She shook her head.</p><p>"It was -no- dream."</p><p>"If you say so." She patted his shoulder. She looked at Bobby. "So how's heaven?"</p><p>"It's nice." He nodded his head. "Lots of good people up there."</p><p>Davis shook his head. "Like I was sayin'...this is the weirdest story Bree and Angie have -ever- written."</p><p>"Yeah, no shit." Bosco shook his head. "I think they'd get along with Doc really well cause they're all off their rocker."</p><p>"Who are Bree and Angie?" Faith asked in confusion.</p><p>Bosco rolled his eyes. "And people think -I- don't read enough."</p><p>She smacked his arm. "Don't be a jag-off."</p><p>"Hey, that's my word."</p><p>"Yeah, well...bite me."</p><p>"Okay, this is gettin' outta control. Now all we need is Jason Christopher to show up."</p><p>"Whatever happened to him, anyway?" Davis asked, frowning.</p><p>"Oh, he disappeared in that riot during the blackout last season." Faith shrugged.</p><p>Bosco nodded. "Yeah, people keep disappearin' around here, but one nice thing is my ma is always the same. Sure her hair is always a different color, but she's still good ole Patti...I mean Angela Rose, or uh...Rose."</p><p>"The writers of this show should really rewatch the episodes they write. This is ridiculous."</p><p>"You know somethin' I've been wonderin'?"</p><p>"What the point of this fic was?" Faith questioned, looking at him, her eyes twinkling mischievously.</p><p>"Well, besides that."</p><p>"No, what?"</p><p>"What ever happened to Tori? I mean, one minute..." He caught the look Faith was giving him. "Uh...nevermind."</p><p>"All roads lead back to the Uber bitch, don't they?"</p><p>He nodded. "Pretty much."</p><p>She frowned. "Well that sucks."</p><p>"Well..." He turned toward Faith, and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm willin' to bet that I could somehow manage to completely forget about her, and all this other crap."</p><p>"And I bet I could help you out with that." She kissed him lightly.</p><p>Bosco smiled against her lips. "I know the point of this fic," he whispered.</p><p>She couldn't help but smile back. "Let's go back to your place," she whispered back.</p><p>He chuckled. "You figured out the point too, huh?"</p><p>"It's the only logical conclusion." She winked and reached for his hand, pulling him toward the door.</p><p>He took her hand, and tried to keep up with her as she led him to the exit. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"</p><p>And everyone in Whoville, er...Camelot...lived happily ever after.</p><p>Except Cruz, whose tongue remained stuck to the pole until Spring cause no one liked her enough to help her.</p>
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